Child custody disputes can bring out the best and the worst in both parties, so parents in family law cases need to avoid making these five common mistakes:
1. Mistake: Parents who put their needs first, before those of their children.
● Do put the needs and best interests of the child first.
Parents sometimes fall into a pattern of placing greater value on their objectives or career goals before considering the needs of the children. The parent who routinely puts career ahead of parenting time, for example, may miss too many events in the child’s life which could alienate the son or daughter over time, or take the parent who is more concerned with having a great social life than with raising the child. Furthermore, the self-absorbed parent risks having the judging factor that lacks emphasis on the child’s best interests against him or her in a child custody or modification case.
2. Mistake: Parents who hire lawyers lacking specific child custody legal experience.
● Do hire a child custody lawyer with ample experience representing parents in every family court proceeding.
Parents should be confident in their legal representative’s ability to handle all court proceedings, from child custody evaluations by a mental health professional, to parenting negotiations, mediation, and alternative dispute resolution (ADR). There are no routine child custody disputes, every family has unique circumstances with special considerations. An experienced attorney can anticipate each twist and turn as the custody case works its way through the family court system. However, a lawyer with minimal experience (or no experience) with child custody proceedings could intentionally or unintentionally cause more conflict, creating even more strife between parents in an already hotly contested family law case.
3. Mistake: Parents who agree to something they aren’t comfortable with.
● Do have an attorney review the documents and explain the impact of each provision before signing.
When a party receives the proposed parenting agreement, he or she should not sign it without running it past a family lawyer first. Even when the parties negotiated custody, the written terms in the agreement may not fully reflect their intentions. For the best outcome, and to ensure that parenting and custody arrangements match the parties’ negotiated agreements, take a step back and have the lawyer carefully review the document before signing. Child custody cases may involve weeks of negotiations and often require the services of professionals, such as evaluators and custody mediators. Although these services are sometimes costly, no parent should surrender parenting time or legal custody over worries about paying more in legal and professional fees to get such an important matter finalized properly.
4. Mistake: Parents who place their child in the middle of a custody dispute.
● Do avoid pressuring the child to make custody decisions.
Child custody decisions are at the very core of the parties’ duties as parents – these are serious adult-type concerns. Other than what is necessary, parties should refrain from involving their children in the case and should avoid asking the children which parent they prefer to live with. Doing so places tremendous pressure on the children. Jurisdictions vary on how influential the child’s desires are when it comes to which parent should have residential custody. In some states, the judge may hear the child’s wishes on camera and has discretion as to how much weight to give it. Other states require consideration of the child’s wishes only after he or she reaches a certain age, such as 12. In either instance, parents should refrain from lobbying the child to choose between living with Mom or Dad.
5. Mistake: Parents who negotiate and renegotiate without ever reaching an agreement on child custody issues.
● Do concentrate on arriving at a custody agreement as soon as possible under the circumstances.
While it is important to ensure the parenting agreement covers all aspects of child-rearing and custody, it is also important to reach agreements and resolve issues. At some point, the parties have to turn to the court to decide what they cannot decide between themselves. Leaving custody in limbo for too long may be detrimental for the children. The sooner the parents negotiate a child custody agreement, the sooner the children can begin acclimating to new living arrangements. And when no agreement is reachable, the sooner the court can step in and make custody decisions for the indecisive parents.
Jennifer Mihalovich is a family law and child support and custody attorney in Chandler, Arizona. Stewart Law Group has offices throughout Arizona. The firm has helped many clients navigate the legal complexities of divorce, child custody, spousal support, property division, parental visitation, and child relocation disputes.
